The two words that constantly resound in my head currently are new and project. I need a new project. Not in terms of a project as it is understood generically but as in a new ambition, new goal, new dream, new… something-productive-to-do. I need the thrill of wanting to work towards something but it has to be substantial and meaty not one of those broad ideas like, “Read all the Classics”. God knows how long that would take me to do plus I have re-discovered just how fussy I am about my choices in books. I just cannot get myself to read fiction or a dull long-winded book on something like say hobbits. I do intend to read ‘The Lord of the Rings’ someday but today is not the day. In between I had this phase of reading Commercial Indian Fiction but now it seems I am over that too as I find the narrative boring. There is only so much an author can describe in a book, it doesn’t have to be every element like the street, every single character (some of whom are irrelevant to the story line), every single expression, every single tiny little detail, for instance, the cow and seriously people, can we just curb the habit of mixing all depressing issues of the day together in one book. You have poverty, disease, old age, financial depression and climate change all in one go enough to make you scream. If I wanted depression+issues, I’d rather read the newspaper, at least in the supplement we have Calvin & Hobbes to lighten things up. I thought I would dedicate this break to reading Bram Stoker’s Dracula having caught scenes of Van Helsing on the television, better fantasy than reality anyway any day. Even this doesn’t seem like productive stuff to do!

Productive would be work and good work in a good environment with good people. Or like resolving a long-standing problem, the kinds that plagues you at odd hours of the day and night and demolishing it from its roots. I like cleaning, it figures from my quite irritating habit of clearing my inbox, messages on my phone, spam, my cupboard and even my brain to rid it of things that bother me. Of late, it doesn’t seem like I have quite achieved that and for once, the mop and disinfectant don’t seem like the quick fix-it solutions. (Refer to Jim Carrey mopping the floor with God and its metaphorical allusion in the movie ‘Bruce Almighty’.) Tackling tasks on a to-do list used to be so much simpler at one point in time, it just seems now that certain problems cannot be a part of the list and occupy mind space as larger than life ones. There just has to be a solution, something to them that just puts them to rest. It is like that gnawing piece of caramel stuck in your teeth or this stain / dirt that refuses to go. I am not being presumptuous when I say that I am surprised that of all people I am stuck in a chewy sticky caramel situation but ugh, I wish that a Fairy God Mother / Father would just appear and un-stick / untangle it or do something about it. I sound extremely naive and this is probably the nth time in my life that I am wishing for a miracle but all I’m asking is for a magic broom. Even facing Dracula would be welcome… with Van Helsing in tow of course.


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