I notice a pattern in my life, the recurrence of tall, thin, wheat-ish coloured and extremely successful women who inevitably become my nemesis, in the sense, they plague me with this insane sense of defeat and this feeling that my life has been nothing but a failure, that I can never possibly be that smart, that good-looking and that lucky. I want to be confident so as to be able to say that I would never ever trade my life in with someone else’s but with these women’s lives, I would gladly do so. I want to have that perfect childhood (Is there even something like that?!) in that huge bungalow, that perfect academic record, that perfect schooling, success at sports, lots of great friends, that perfect ‘college life’, the highest degree of success in whatever I do be it cracking an all-world exam or that fancy scholarship, overseas trips with family, that perfect blend of tall and thin, those awesome Facebook photos… It’s like one of those philosophical life questions, “Would you trade your life with someone else’s?” I would say yes and this in no way implies that I am ungrateful or unhappy with what I have, just that Milton Friedman’s ‘Life is not fair’ tirade never cut much ice with me and neither am I able to swallow the fact much less digest it that someone could be so lucky and have it so perfect. I get the whole, ‘you don’t know others’ journeys’ or ‘at least be thankful for the food you eat’ bit but again, factual situations vary and it is unquestionably human to compare ‘like with like’. It is like you could only compete and compare with the people you are with at that stage in your life, be it in school or college or at work. For instance, being rank 1 means you are the alpha in that particular class for that term so you wouldn’t compete with say some other individual in some other school. It is human to see your peers and size yourself up and again, this rambling post does not reveal a lack of confidence just probably envy (in a good way) and this dire wish to be a particular way. I keep thinking, how do these people manage it? That tall thin reed like appearance with that perfect weight and success at everything and I have no answers except that they are they and I am… just, me. I wish I could make this post a celebration of individuality but something about today and seeing these perfect, always on the right path, crazily successful women makes me want to curl up and die NOT but just to vent it out. I should write a book about them, ‘perfect people and their perfect lives.’

 

 

 

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