All that has happened.

A cold muffin with piping hot tea at 12:45 AM on Tuesday, the 5th of May 2009….Life cannot get better. If you haven’t guessed as yet, I am on a holiday! The third day infact and Saturday doesn’t count as I had spent the day packing which is “work”. Holiday is something which is devoid of work so technically, that doesn’t count but I would be humoring myself if I agreed with the proposition. Devoid of work…Hah! Only in my wildest dreams. I swear even my dreams cannot get wilder. As consensually agreed and believed, holiday for a Law student would include illustrious pursuits such as internship, writing papers for publication and working on moots and the like. Ain’t that just randy?! Ugh. Somebody kill me. So yes, surprise surprise, I haven’t started interning and neither have an internship waiting, have a paper to write and submit by the end of this month and I am mootless as of now. The last bit about being mootless dampens my spirits. Life is so much better if one has allotted teams but the aftermath of finding the seeds of non-compatibility unfortunately make the whole exercise a forgettable one not unless you win it. I think it is human tendency to like what is favourable or memorable and set aside (very rudely) that which is not. I am not lamenting the loss still but hate the bitter taste of relationships turning sour. Why is this a recurring theme in my posts I scarcely understand but some life lessons stick with you to the point that they become a part of you. Also, I think the ‘Moot/Jessup jinx’ as it is known does exist. Many would beg to differ but I can successfully say that it does exist, the only variation is the degrees in which it does.

Coming back to the task at hand which is “documenting” my very boring life, I have but a few observations, a few regrets and a few consolations. Actually that is a wrong way to sum up this semester. It has been good in large bits, bad in a few but in that few has been impactful adversely, average in a lot others and stressful to the core. Oh wait, edit the last…when has life NOT been stressful. I can’t complain though since I’ve been out of college for more than half the semester (Read 15 days of academic leave) and that is everyone’s idea of an ideal semester. God what joy! I was in Delhi twice and in Pune once. I say this scathingly because of the fact that I dreaded these trips in terms of what they would bring and the people I was with and the one trip I didn’t dread actually turned out to be one of my worst ever. So yes, 15 days of academic leave equals missing out major drama in class and a huge chunk in academic portions. Like there is much to learn. Seriously. Notes and more notes cutting out the potential for learning more in terms of the Law. I would rather spend time memorizing notes from my book or from one of my friend’s than read a good commentary. Actually, I don’t blame them. How much can you cover in four months anyway? How many students actually prepare for class unless coerced under fear? How many students would later read the portions covered in class? Not me but empirically it is one or nil in a class of 74. However, this does not discount or justify the amount we spend in wasting classes through tantrums (both of the Professor and the class), righteous claims of the violation of the Human Right to Communication (read yak-yaking senseless crap which is 95% expected from certain people in our illustrious batch), righteous claims of the violation of the Human Right to Attendance (Supposed to be granted even after the student walks in fifteen minutes late in class), righteous claims of the violation of Student rights (Like they exist) et. al. It is exasperating to even talk about such instances which are a useless waste of time and all those with such righteous claims would be better off channelizing all their energy towards the improvement of the world or in making the world a better place or in standing for elections and advocating for the cause of India just as passionately as they do for one attendance. To the rest like me who have become indifferent and find it futile to voice out our opinions even or are too tired to bother because it would seem like attempting to prove another point (and we’re tired of proving points) or making a mark in class, power to us. (Sarcasm) Neither are we doing much either. So yes, the noisy people make their mark and it is not the mark which we all want to make but then again, if you want to have a say you speak and we don’t most of the time. Be assured that it is not fear of speaking out but a general disinterest or an uncaring air that blows across when one faces these situations, more like an overspill of being tired that one thinks that this is all a waste of time that there are better things in life to bother about and an acceptance of the status quo coupled with one’s own brand of rebelliousness. To illustrate, it is like deciding to teach oneself than depend on the very institution of being taught. After all education doesn’t have to be a thoroughly “being taught” or “teacher-student” relationship but is more and people have taught themselves a lot more than just academic material. I am not discounting the aid here which could be a supportive family, the internet (A very valuable learning tool) and encouraging seniors. There is more of course and in this case, to each his own. There is more to it in a Law school which is 30 kms away from the city and that being, learning to live a life. It is always a marvel to me that I am spending five years of my life, a huge important chunk in Law school. Consider this I have spent two years there already and I don’t know how. It is like life has passed me by and I am in the danger of reaching 21 in a zap not knowing or having lived in the true sense of the term. There is studying of course and stumbling through moots/papers and all that jazz including the whole crazy business of friends and relationships but not ones which I could definably hold onto.

To think, I would find more solace in writing my journal or music from a movie which I really liked to keep me wrapped in my bubble or hard hitting like Nirvana to get me geared…It all seems absurd. There are limits to friendship one realises there and not discounting the fact that I say loads there is always caution. Trust me when I say honesty and a frank nature will not help in Law school. Na-ah. You’d rather kill yourself than tell a friend some of your deepest feelings. I am not all cynical but a lot this semester has put stock on things like these and I can say with conviction that I wasn’t on the same page with a lot of people in my life though I wish they were. Hell, I sound mopey but since this is documentation for posterity, no holds barred and I doubt if any reader would get what I’m saying unless you read between the lines and you might think it is not directed at you but it is or vice versa. So yes, I am growing. (I only wish it were vertically than horizontally or emotionally.) To think Law school draws you in this unreal world of senseless competition that you are bubble wrapped from outside reality is unbecoming. So much has happened…Gaza strip, Sri Lankan Tamils, Barack Obama, the outbreak of a whole new virus (Where in the world do these things come from exactly?!), the death of Feroz Khan, more deaths…and where was I? Oh of course, I was fretting over two articles that had to compulsorily be read and hoping/wishing I could make a sensible point in class to receive appreciation. Yuck. I hate it when I self-destruct myself rather than paint in terms of grey. No wait, I was too busy being bothered about someone else’s life and feelings than care about the larger picture. I was also fretting about something called the ‘Transfer of Property’ and in the meanwhile kicking up a fuss about being victimized with so much work which I had taken upon myself. It is not that my living my life would be wrong in terms of world affairs but to be untouched and unaware of the world and people outside is blinding and this includes my own world. It is another thing that I get bubble wrapped really easily in whatever I do and with my music but the alertness of the outside and others has always been there. A sign that I have to start reading newspapers and keeping more in touch.

Law school isn’t so much troublesome in terms of work. I would gladly work on pressing matters like moot, paper, exams and projects together but it is the atmosphere, the people that make is burdensome or a sad place to be in. The combination of 400 (approx.) of the most brilliant minds in the country (I prefer not to count myself in this and honestly, a few I know there are definitely not on the list. This is as candid as I can get. Hah! My blog.) in this huge 60 acre campus 24*7 (That means most of the time.) with different ideologies, beliefs, ideas and levels of competition can drive anybody nuts. This leads to the problem of association or in general terms forging relationships where you can’t give in yourself totally. It might be worthwhile to think () that the only justification about why we have so many couples is frustration or no choice or that we need somebody’s shoulder to cry on and to share. It is also unsurprising that the only topic of conversation which is interesting at the end of the day is the couple gossip or speculation about who might/will be going out with whom.

“Frankly, I tell you, a few are a total No-no.” “*Gasp* Him and her?! Since when?! How?” “Did you hear? They’re together…” “Oh wow, of course I knew. It doesn’t matter.” “Happy Birthday…”

Also a pity that people who usually don’t/can’t bond actually do over gossip like this or through counting the number of couples and categorizing them batch-wise and being ecstatic that my batch has the largest number. Of course there are inter-batch/senior-junior relationships to be counted. I have to admit that I haven’t had too many conversations about stuff like this since I am supposed to be an academic automaton with a sensible head but the few I’ve had are amusing nonetheless. To think an academic automaton would have feelings… 😉 I don’t see anything wrong in these relationships, in fact a few are the sweetest I’ve ever seen which is not many to begin with but I understand their need or should I say their affinity towards each other and the joy+ security they derive from being together. Not that I would know but I guess every relationship should lead to personal growth on both sides, sadly, a few relationships which I’ve seen retard progress and it would seem that it is not meant to be. Then again, love is irrational I’ve been told and I’ve seen.

 …To be contd.

Disclaimer: If you think I do not like Law school, you are mistaken. I do. Very much. It is the only life I can imagine at this age than being stuck in Engineering/Medical school paying a huge fee with plaited oily hair (or my usual short haystack) in a starched salwar kameez with…the works, friends, maybe a new bike and home. In response to a question my friend in Law school constantly asks, this is the only life I’ve ever known/will know and it is more than I imagined, so I like the place and thank God perpetually for being there or having the resources to be there. Maybe that is why I crib lesser (Think again, my friend. Case in point being this post with its droll critical writing). Then again, you know a better life so I don’t blame you for not liking this place.